A Reddit user’s experiment with Tinder’s gender preference settings has ignited a heated debate about the current state of dating apps, highlighting a sharp divide between users who find success and those who feel the platforms are damaging to self-esteem.
An Experiment in Visibility
Reddit user u/RudeTechnician587 shared his experience on the subreddit r/BoyDinnerDiaries, detailing a frustrating journey on Tinder that took an unexpected turn. Initially, the user downloaded the app and swiped right on women, assuming he would secure at least one match. When that strategy failed, he upgraded to a premium subscription to see who had liked him, but a day later, he still had no matches.
As a “last resort,” he adjusted his discovery settings, changing his gender preference from “female” to “all genders.” The result was immediate and staggering: within two days, he received over 100 likes. However, every single like and match came from male users.
The Emotional Toll
While the user acknowledged feeling flattered by the sudden attention, he clarified that he is “unfortunately” not interested in men. The experience left him disillusioned with the platform. He wrote about the impact on his confidence, stating:
“It basically ruined my otherwise intact self-esteem in less than (a) week.”
He concluded that despite hearing many positive reports from others, the app simply was not for him.
Reddit Community Divided
The post resonated widely, amassing 3,400 upvotes and 265 comments at the time of publication. The discussion revealed a deeply polarized user base regarding the efficacy and psychological impact of modern dating apps.
The Case Against Dating Apps
One highly upvoted comment argued that dating apps are fundamentally flawed for “anyone.” Another user expanded on this sentiment, emphasizing the gamified nature of the platforms and their effect on mental health. The user wrote:
“Dating apps will do a number on your self-esteem. It is unfortunately incredibly gamified…”
Success Stories and Nostalgia
Conversely, numerous commenters pushed back against the negativity, sharing personal anecdotes of finding long-term partners or their “forever person” on Tinder and similar platforms. While these success stories provided a counter-narrative, skepticism remained high among other users.
A common middle-ground perspective emerged suggesting that the quality of the experience has degraded over time. One commenter noted:
“It’s not worthless, but it’s not as good as it once was either.”
Original Post Context
The original Reddit thread, titled “I changed my Tinder profile to men and got 100 likes in 2 days,” included a photo of the user’s Singaporean rice dinner, characteristic of the r/BoyDinnerDiaries community. The viral discussion underscores ongoing conversations about gender dynamics, algorithm behavior, and the psychological costs of swipe-based dating culture.
