- A 29-year-old Reddit user turned to the r/Advice community after intimacy with her partner of five years began feeling like a chore she participates in just to get through it.
- Despite wanting to marry her boyfriend, she admitted she struggles with declining desire and merely tolerates sexual encounters so he will stop asking.
- Commenters warned that failing to address shifting libido and physical incompatibility before marriage has led to severe resentment and divorce in their own past relationships.
A Long-Term Relationship Faces a Loss of Intimacy
A viral discussion on the popular Reddit forum r/Advice has sparked wide engagement after a 29-year-old woman opened up about an increasingly common relationship struggle. Posting under the handle u/Equivalent-Bed-6526 on Nov. 10, the user detailed the emotional and physical divide forming between her and her 29-year-old partner, whom she has dated for five years and envisions marrying. In her post, titled “Having sex feels like such a chore,” she praised her boyfriend’s character, describing him as genuinely the best guy I could’ve ever asked for.
According to the user, her partner handles their sexual dynamic with care: he remains respectful when initiating intimacy, never pressures her, and accepts her boundaries when she declines. However, when she does consent to physical intimacy, her motivation stems largely from a desire to resolve the interaction rather than mutual passion. The original poster stated that she complies simply so he stops asking and then mentally waits for the act to conclude, writing, I would very much rather be doing anything else,
while treating the encounter as something done to get it done and over with.
Navigating Shifts in Libido and Emotional Closeness
The poster explained that while her sexual appetite has plummeted, she continues to deeply value the emotional facets of their romantic connection, including cuddling and general togetherness. Although she still experiences a physical urge
at times, her response to it has changed significantly. She noted that while she occasionally masturbates, she approaches solo intimacy similarly, doing so simply to get rid of the sensation.
Reflecting on her personal history, the woman noted that she enjoyed intimacy between the ages of 18 and 24, including the early years of her current five-year relationship. She clarified that she does not hold her partner responsible for the decline, stating she knows he is not the root of the problem. Nonetheless, her lack of enthusiasm has become apparent to him, which compounds her feelings of guilt and distress. Concluding her candid inquiry, she wrote, I miss wanting s** like I used to. Has anyone else experienced this, and how did you overcome it?
Community Reactions: Warnings Against Unresolved Marital Issues
The online forum quickly generated cautionary responses from community members who reflected on their own past partnerships. One highly upvoted comment firmly advised the woman to resolve the underlying dilemma prior to taking any formal marital vows: It won’t get better with marriage, so address it or don’t get married,
the commenter warned.
Another user praised the advice, remarking that the sentiment deserves an award.
Drawing on their own personal background, the commenter recounted waiting two years to be intimate in their first marriage, only for their spouse to deny physical connection on their wedding night and prefer intimacy once every two to three months. The individual noted that despite working long hours and supporting the household, unmet needs turned a mindset where divorce is never an option
into actual separation.
A third participant echoed these consequences, emphasizing that unaddressed bedroom disparities can permanently fracture a couple’s bond. This situation ruined my first marriage,
the commenter stated, observing that ongoing dissatisfaction led to emotional friction that festered on both sides
before infidelity occurred, which the commenter claimed actually did me a favour.
Offering an alternate perspective, a fourth commenter revealed that their wife’s lack of desire was tied to domestic imbalances and an absence of verbal appreciation, explaining that taking on more household responsibilities and actively validating her efforts helped initiate progress in their relationship.
Why This Matters
Discrepancies in sexual desire and shifting libido are among the most persistent challenges faced by long-term couples. As digital advice forums like Reddit increasingly serve as modern sounding boards for intimate relationship problems, discussions like u/Equivalent-Bed-6526’s highlight the complex interplay between romantic love, emotional satisfaction, and physical intimacy. The responses illustrate a widespread consensus among relationship veterans: unresolved sexual dissatisfaction and mismatched intimacy goals are rarely solved by major commitments like marriage, and open communication or intervention is essential to prevent long-term resentment.
Frequently Asked Questions
What issue did Reddit user u/Equivalent-Bed-6526 share?
A 29-year-old woman expressed concern on r/Advice that intimacy with her longtime partner of five years has come to feel like an obligation or chore, even though she deeply loves him, views him as an ideal partner, and hopes to marry him.
How did forum commenters respond to her dilemma?
The general advice strongly urged the poster to resolve the issue before entering into a marriage. Several commenters detailed their own experiences where unresolved differences in desire and intimacy led to deep-seated resentment, marital breakdown, and divorce, while another suggested evaluating domestic workloads and verbal validation.
Were the personal accounts in the Reddit post independently verified?
No. As reported by The Daily Dot, the details and commentary represent unverified, first-person accounts submitted anonymously by users on the r/Advice subreddit.
