Reddit User Sparks Debate After Giving Chronically Late Friend Wrong Arrival Time
A Reddit user has ignited a widespread discussion about boundaries and chronic lateness after deliberately giving a friend the wrong meeting time. The 20-year-old woman, posting under the username u/SmoothSpell7918 on the r/AmItheAsshole subreddit, detailed years of frustration with a friend who consistently arrives 45 minutes to an hour late for every engagement.
Pattern of Chronic Lateness Disrupts Important Events
According to the original post, the friend’s habitual tardiness has had concrete consequences. The group lost a birthday dinner reservation when the friend arrived approximately an hour late. At another friend’s going-away party, she missed a significant portion of the event. Perhaps most critically, when the friend was supposed to provide transportation to a medical appointment, she arrived 50 minutes late, forcing the poster to take an Uber and ultimately miss the appointment entirely.
Previous Accommodation Strategies Failed
The friend group had previously attempted to manage the situation by giving the chronically late friend earlier arrival times. However, this strategy backfired when the friend eventually realized the tactic and began treating those adjusted times as the actual meeting times, perpetuating the cycle of lateness.
Breaking Point: The 6:30 PM Dinner Reservation
The situation reached a climax when the group arranged a dinner with a 6:30 PM reservation and requested everyone arrive by 6:15 PM. The friend stated she would leave her house at 6:00 PM. At 6:20 PM, she texted the group saying she was leaving now
. By this point, the poster’s frustration had peaked.
Instead of the actual 6:15 PM arrival time, the poster told the friend the reservation had been pushed back to 7:00 PM. The rest of the group, aware of the real plan, arrived at 6:15 PM as originally scheduled.
Friend Arrives Over an Hour Past False Time
The friend did not arrive until 7:35 PM — over an hour past the fabricated 7:00 PM time and a full 80 minutes after the actual requested arrival time. By then, the group had already finished their meal. The friend confronted the poster, accusing her of deliberately making her late and violating trust by providing the wrong time.
The poster acknowledged the deception, admitting that lying was not exactly mature
, but insisted she wanted her friend to experience what it feels like when others’ time is repeatedly disregarded.
Reddit Community Largely Supports Poster
The Reddit community overwhelmingly sided with the poster, ruling her Not the A-hole
. Many commenters argued the group should simply proceed with plans without the friend rather than continuously adjusting schedules to accommodate chronic lateness. Others contended that a friend who is regularly late should face the natural consequences of missing events.
Neurodivergence Perspective Offered in Discussion
One Reddit user provided a different perspective, sharing their personal experience with time estimation difficulties prior to an ADHD diagnosis. They explained they had implemented strategies like repeated alarms and thorough planning to ensure punctuality despite these challenges.
This anecdotal insight aligns with scientific research. A 2016 study published in Research in Developmental Disabilities examined timing abilities and executive functions, finding relationships between time estimation capacity, executive control, and the ability to organize activities around time. The research also linked time perception to executive processes including working memory and cognitive control.
Friendship May Not Survive the Incident
Following the confrontation, the friend stated she no longer wants to make plans with the poster. The poster expressed minimal concern, noting that after months of mounting frustration, she felt the friendship had reached its natural conclusion.
